I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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