i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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