my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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