The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
