I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize