The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
