I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
