i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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