Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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