I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
