My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
