i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
from now on my penis is your penis
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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