dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
