I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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