You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
