The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
