I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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