dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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