med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
