shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
