Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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