If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
