Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
