Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
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Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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