last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
