Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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