I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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