his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
