I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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