I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
