At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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