I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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