"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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