I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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