i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize