He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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