hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
