Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
