I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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