Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
