I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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