if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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