YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
literally had 100 drinks last night.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
