if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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