You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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