If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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