Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
