I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
