you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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