dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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