Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
