Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
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At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
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well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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