i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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