i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
