He uses pillows to masturbate.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
