Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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