i love accidental penises.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Randomize
