If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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