Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
