Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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