You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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