So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
