she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
